Number 2 - A Life Or Girlfriend

When you bum around all day in front of a computer, don't expect yourself to get laid anytime soon. Same thing applies to me.

No matter how much I wish that some girl will just come out of my monitor (It's that Dell widescreen LCD monitor on Ken's wish list! Be jealous, be very jealous!) and ask me to marry her, pledging eternal servitude, it's not going to happen. What's going to happen is more of the below, everyday for the rest of my really sad geeky life.

But I can say that it isn't as half as bad as people make it out to be.

Okay, I was just bluffing. Couldn't fool you, could I? It's just sad, I need to get a life. Heck, a girlfriend or something. It's true when people say that there are no women on the Internet!

For the RM 5,900 (USD 1600) it cost me to get a 30" Dell monitor, I could probably gets tons of women to be my girlfriend! I wonder...

So, what can a person do with a life or girlfriend for that matter? Tons of things! Seriously, with a girlfriend, you could do stuff, yes, that kind of stuff. Now, isn't that fun?

Okay, besides doing wicked stuff with them, I'd probably get invited to parties or gatherings more often, which I rather fancy to surfing around the Net and being bombarded with idiotic friends asking me to join Friendster or visit the fugly MySpace site.

Ughhhhh... I love the Internet and all, but when the number of idiots that exist on it becomes too much, migrating back to the real world seems like a good solution to the inanity.

You know what, with the Internet being so screwed up these day and me needing a real life and all, I'll just put it all into one totally inane picture that'll make you go .

Exactly, that's the whole point of getting a life, right??? Or the Internet to contend with!

Number 1 - Getting Idiots To Use Their Damn Consoles Properly

This wish is truly in regards to Ken's No.1 wish. I've heard so many reports of dumbass Wii buyers who actually killed their Plasma screens while waving their controllers, it's getting pretty annoying. My God, I swear some people must have evolved oil ducts in their damn palms, or have the gripping ability of a sedated newborn on muscle relaxants.

Therefore, I'll teach idiots who can actually hit themselves in their own faces with a controller a thing or two.

1. Don't be so bloody weak, try GRIPPING the controller!
2. It's a game dammit. You aren't exactly Link. Like me, you are just an overweight dude who don't go out very much.
3. It's not intelligent to spray your hands with WD40 before using the Wii.
4. LSD is not a good pre-game drug.
5. If you still can't help but wave the controller around like a raving lunatic before suddenly finding the urge to let go so that it can hit something, at least do so in the direction that brings the most benefit. For example, annoying spouses, noisy kids, disgusting-looking trinkets you can never understand why your wife keeps, your mother-in-law or old people.
6. Wii sounds like Wee, which makes it awesome.

Here's a message from Wii-tan. Listen carefully.