Number 6 - A God Damned Answer To Whether That A Cat Dies Or Not

No, Sony Ericsson phones aren't really one of those important things in life. Finding out the conclusion to one of man's greatest thought experiments, which generally amounts whether a cat dies or not, is of far greater importance and intrigue, I tell you.

So, how did this almighty question come about? Well, it has something to do with quantum physics and some jibber-jabber that an egghead (one Erwin Schrodinger, to be exact) come up with. But the basic premise is this. There's a box with a cat and a jar or canister containing a pretty nasty gas that will kill the cat. The trigger for the release of the gas is a Geiger counter.

What triggers the counter is a radioactive material that has an exactly 50 percent chance of decaying and releasing the necessary radiation to trigger the Geiger counter in 1 hour.

So, when you open the box, you either have a dead cat, or a living one. If you're unlucky, the cat pooped in there before it died.

The problem with quantum physics is that particles can be in mixture of states. What that means is the cat can be both dead and alive at the same time! How the heck can that be possible (assuming that zombie cats do not exist)??

So, coming back to my wish - I must know, IS THAT CAT DEAD OR ALIVE?!

Because by the virtue of Copenhagen interpretation-based quantum physics, the cat is both dead and alive at the same time.

Okay, even if it isn't dead, what would be in that box? Would there be two cats? Both dead or both alive? One dead and one alive? Would there be some ugly-looking combination of a dead and alive cat? Or would there be a cheese pizza, or maybe an advance copy of Duke Nukem Forever?

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS I JUST HAVE TO KNOW!

For the question, Visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schrodinger's_cat. In case you are wondering, the picture exists both in Wikipedia and over here. But it's not quantum physics. I took the pic from Wikipedia.

Number 5 - Getting Someone To Buy My Poor DLink WiFi Card

Really, who cares about some damn Linksys access point that has no soul. I'll tell you a story instead!

A long, long time ago, in land far, far away, there was this boy who had just gotten a laptop. He loved that laptop dearly, but when the WiFi revolution caught up with him, he decided he needed a WiFi card. So, that little boy bought one gleefully.

The WiFi card served the boy for a good two years. But one day, the boy decided to shove it in a "slot" that it wasn't mean for. It didn't fit and cracked. But being the dedicated piece of electronics it was, the poor old DLink card persevered and continued to serve the boy, helping him download tons of porno and bootleg anime.

The boy loved that poor card to bits (literally!) even as it broke down under the load. The wear got so bad he even had to tape it together to make sure it didn't fall apart! Alas, the boy soon did something he would regret.

On that fateful day, he was unable to connect to a WiFi network to get his daily Internet fix and without checking to see if the fault lay with the WiFi card or the useless Coffee Bean access point, the boy flew into a fit of rage, pulled out the faithful but worn card and threw it against the wall before ripping it apart with his bare hands!

When he came to his senses, the boy was left cradling the broken remains of his poor, loyal DLink WiFi card in his hands. It had served him faithfully through sickness and health, practically given him its all. But in that moment of rage, the boy forgot how much punishment that card had been through, and took out his anger on the poor card.

The boy cried in anguish and regret, for he had killed a true and loyal friend all in a moment of anger. He prayed for the soul of the card, keeping its remains as an ever-present reminder that rage does not bring anything constructive.

The End.

So, instead of buying, some fangled new router with a shiny new exterior, buy something that has a soul, a memory of greatness.

Buy the poor remains of my once-faithful DLink WiFi card, so that you may learn from his example of fortitude and dedication in service. May his single-mindedness in his commitment to duty inspire you. May God bless his Texas Instruments-based soul. Amen.

You were a great friend, I'll never forget you.

Anyway, I'm selling his remains for 800 bucks due to the sentimental value. Just buy it, you know you want it.